Burlesque!

I first came to Burlesque through a love of vintage.  I have always loved vintage clothing. Well before it was ever fashionable, i was going to college and uni with stockings on under my jeans! I think i was born in the wrong era as i just love all things 40's and 50's.  I collect clothing, home wear and have a passion for garish nylon curtains.  Anyway, there was an event nearby hosting a burlesque cabaret act and because i love vintage glamour we went along.  I jokingly ribbed hubby that he'd be getting his jollys and not much in it for me.  I imagined model like ladies teasing men with perfect tatties i would never possess.  How wrong i was.
   I saw large voluptuous ladies, embracing every curve, Skinny girls with smaller breasts equally as sexy, comedy sketches, musicians, some shows that were ballet like, and most surprising of all, a much higher number of women in the audience than men!   I was in love and have been ever since.
  Recently i began to learn the art of Burlesque myself.  Even after all i'd seen, i was nervous.  I'm a slightly over weight, 37 year old mother of two who really had no business wanting to take her clothes off on a stage.  To say i was nervous was an understatement.  When i arrived at my first class, i found women of all types, all ages and all descriptions.  What did we all have in common?  We were there to embrace our femininity, unlock what it is to feel glamorous and sexy and in my case, to find a little of the old me again.
  You see, when i was young i would go out partying with bright pink hair, stand on the podiums and love the attention.  I loved my life, i lived glamour and femininity, never leaving the house without make up and often heels.  Then i had kids and everything was different.  My kids are awesome and i took on another title.  That of mother.  My boobs were still interesting to hubby, but fifty times more so to my hungry baby and i fed her with pride. I ditched the makeup and heels to home educate both my children and lived my life in a blur of home ed meets and build a bears. (Another two have recently been adopted into the fold.  Sigh) I put on a fair bit of weight and in the process of this, lost a little bit of my essence.  I shout my mother title from the roof tops and adore that i am so lucky to have two crazy, wonderful, unique little guys in my life, but now my youngest is five, i decided its time to get a little 'Me' back. 
  As i read more and more about Burlesque i see some people name calling, i see people using derogatory terms towards performers and its upsetting.  Particularly to the women who put their heart and soul into this.  I've seen terms bandied round recently that allude to women being called posh strippers, slags, tarts etc.  Usually other women are the ones name calling as well it seems.  This is really sad as many of the name callers have never been to a show and seen for themselves what its all about.  Performers aren't there to titillate men (They can go on a thousand websites for free to do that), they are there to show women that they can be sexy, glamorous, amazing and wonderful no matter what size, shape or combination of features they've got.(And maybe a little titillation for good measure)  But most importantly, the performers are there doing performance art with their own bodies in exactly the way they want to do it.  You will see women taking ownership of their femininity and having body confidence in  a world where body shaming is the norm.  If i actually get good enough to perform on stage, i will show my daughter with pride and say to her that being a woman is about pride in yourself, loving yourself and not giving a shit what anyone else has to say about it.  No one else has the right to dull your shine, tell you to starve yourself, say you must look a certain way or behave a certain way.  No one else has that right.  Its high time women could do and behave as they wish without anyone else casting judgement or nasty comments in their direction.
  And so i find myself practising glove removal in my living room this morning, dodging build a bears and lego whilst i try and feel a teensy bit glamorous and sexy! I love my crazy life and i wouldn't have it any other way!

Thoughts on Home Ed

As many of you know, we are a home educated family.  In the UK we are still the minority and often seen as radical, hippy, out there, even trouble makers and unconformists.  Well i thought i'd talk about why we chose this route.
  I grew in a very conformist, middle class, don't rock the boat family.  I never would have thought i would be where i am today, as i planned to be an archiologist and then a forensic scientist.  A mother was never on the cards, i was never a child that played with dolls.  As i got in to my late teens, a series of coincidences led me to meet a lad who was quite alternative and for a few years we lived a rock and roll lifestyle of bands, music, fast food and many excesses.  He introduced me to music i never knew existed and people who were deep thinkers and taught me many things including thinking outside that box and seeing things a little differently. 

Fast forward a few years and i had an 8 year old boy and one on the way.  To say my boy had struggled is an understatement.  To say that he was a square peg in the round hole of education was most definitely an understatement. He was miserable and i began to look online for alternatives.  I had never known anyone who's kids didn't go to school but deep inside i knew there must be something better for us. Then i began reading about home ed, something i thought only happened in the US or deeply religious communities. 
  I won't dwell on how my son faired and what finally pushed us to take the plunge because thats not my story to tell, but as difficult as that period was, i am so so grateful it happened and that we came out the other side as it opened up a whole life changing world for us.  Sometimes, it's true, you have to hit rock bottom to start climbing out of the hole you are in. 
  Fast forward five years to where we are today, and i have a teenager (when did that happen?) that is happy and healthy, and a wonderful five year old girl who makes us laugh so much.  We are part of a happy, thriving community of home educators who we love very much and are personal friends with many of.  Some of these are friends that will last a lifetime.  The people we meet are wonderful free thinkers, people who see the world differently, people who don't conform, artists, poets, parents, writers, creaters, mothers, fathers.  My children mix with friends of all ages, boys who dress like girls, girls who dress like boys, kids who go by names they chose themselves, kids who choose what to wear and how long their hair is, kids with multi coloured hair! Our kids are free spirits and i'm so excited to see how they'll all grow up.  They're gonna be awesome! 
  Do i have moments of "What the fuck am i doing to my kids?" Of course i do.  Every mother knows that feeling.  You are responsible for your childs up bringing and you have such a small amount of time to get it right before they grow into adults.  Thats alot of pressure on anyone, and never more so than a home educator who is taking on 100% of the responsibility for their children.  But it comes down to trust too.  You have to trust your kids will grow in to well rounded adults with such a wide view of the world because of home edding that they can go out there and reach for their dreams. 
  We follow an autonomous education lifestyle meaning we go with the kids interests and hobbies with regards to education.  So although they may not be learning a foreign language at the moment (Unless they want to) like their school going peers do, they are mini experts in computer programming and games design, both read well above their expected age group level (Thank you minecraft), are fit and active and have more 'P.E' lessons a week than any school going child.  P.E in this house takes the form of tree climbing, skating, skateboarding,  parkour, play parks, bike riding, general tom foolery with their mates, all the fun stuff! They can handle money, cook well, yes even my five year old can make a cracking sandwich.  Oh and they love maths!  The life of Fred books are genius, and my kids won't put them down.  My five year old has just started the Dragon Box game which teaches quite advanced Algebra as the levels progress.  
  But the number one benefit to home education is that we are so solid and close as a family.  We have tough days but there's no escaping to school or get out clause for me when they've gone for the day.  The only way to deal with issues in a home ed family is to really deal with it.  We are a group of strong willed people with opinions cohabiting a space together 24/7.  The only way to resolve issues is to truely solve them. We talk, we discuss, we forgive and we learn together.  The kids have very little stress or pressure in their lives, and are free to express opinions, wants, needs without fear of being told to "sit down", "do as your told", "You can't wear that", "You can't use the toilet", "shut up". 
  I am not attacking anyone's choice to send their children to school, home edding isn't for everyone, and to be honest, we really like quiet parks during the week! But for us, its the best decision we ever made, it has allowed our children a freedom that is unusual in this country, we live in harmony and happiness with each other and our lives are all the more rich for it.  My daughter calls our family Team Love.  I'll go with that!

 The day she drew a cat outfit, sat in Mc Donalds and ate dinner with it on, then went rolling down hills at a home ed meet, still dressed as a cat!

 The day we found her sat behind a tent in the showroom of Go Outdoors meditating!

Beautiful glass houses with exotic plants at Temple Newsham.  One of our favourite places.

Spring is coming!

So the signs are here.  Everything is beginning to wake, as we launch head long towards Ostara and the Spring Equinox.  The birds are singing, the creatures are awakening, as are the weeds and my beautiful blue bells.  We took advantage of the lighter evening and stayed out quite late tackling a job we have been putting off, the veg plot.  This year we're not starting our veg from seed and have decided to buy our plants in from a company called Rocket gardens.  We're expecting our first delivery in May so we have to get the beds ready.

 They needed some serious digging so of course we got Youngling involved.  Some of the best parts of life as a home ed family is the chance to learn hands on skills.

 Our compost heap had lots of learning potential.  We found, giant spiders, woodlice, centipedes and a million worms of all shapes.

 Youngling tried out the Hoe and enjoyed smashing up all the big lumps.

 Here she is with a fat juicy worm.

Next she used the Secateurs to cut down some rasberry canes.  We allow both our children to use tools, but always teach safety.
  So looking forward to this year.  Ostara always brings joy to me.  Its a time of new starts (My birthday is at this time), the dead dark earth is springing to life at a furious pace, we even saw our first butterfly today.  Its the promise of warmer days, sunshine and bountiful goodies from the garden.  Our favourites are the many fruits we grow.  We have rasberries, grapes,  strawberries, goosies, currents, rhubarb, apples, and are hoping for our first crops of plums and sloes this year too!  I always feel lighter and happier in general around this time and i can't wait for the fun we'll have in our lovely garden this year.

Tales from the cupboard

We Home educate.  We have done for many years of my sons life and all of my daughters.  There has been so much misinformation on the news and tv lately about home education with words like radicalisation, child abuse and unseen banded about.  I can only speak for myself, my close home ed friends and the hundreds of friends i have met through social media when i say that i know of no home educated kids who fit any of those phrases.  My children are the happiest, fun loving and most definitely well socialised kids i know, hell, we are never in, let alone have time to lock em up under the stairs Harry Potter style!  They have the freedom to choose how they spend their days, they have a say in their lives without it being dictated and micro managed to the Nth degree.  They can choose to exercise the most basic of human needs such as toilet, food and drink, whenever they need it, and for the most part, experience a fun, exciting and stimulating childhood.  I've seen various discussions of late on tv, most notably the discussion on BBC look north, where people with absolutely no idea how home education works, were discussing and showing their disgust at the very idea.  That would be akin to me discussing rugby and stating how disgusting it is on live TV when i don't know the first thing about it!  So here are some wonderful images of my children at their local Forest school This Green Moon being unseen, abused and clearly miserable!!!!

According to youngling these were hay Highlights!

The Curry Formula

I have a simple formula to make a great curry that even those that say they can't cook will have success with.  You could say you can't go wrong:

Any kind of onion (leek, red, white etc.)
 +

garam Massala, turmeric and oil

Fry it all till the onions soften and are covered in spice.  Then:

+

Any veg you like ( great store cupboard clear out recipe)

+

Free range Chicken or quorn

Fry a little to mix up with the spices and brown the meat then:

+

1 x tin of tomatoes (healthy and delicious) and/or 1 x tin of coconut milk (decadent and creamy)

Next ensure there is plenty of liquid and let it simmer away till it thickens and the liquid is much reduced.(If there's loads of liquid then add some dry red lentils to soak up and thicken it)

Then Serve!!!!!!

This was my simple curry for tonight's tea with carrots, broccoli and quorn with coconut milk.

This is great formula for a can't lose curry in a hurry but from here, you can add and add to create a million different flavours.  This makes a very mild curry but adding chillis and chilli powder would add a real kick.  Likewise using only coconut milk and adding fragrant ingredients such as fish sauce and lemon grass gives a thai flavour to the dish.  The longer you simmer the thicker the sauce gets.

  I have stated Free range chicken here.  I feel strongly about always using free range.  I personally would rather opt for quorn than buy none free range.  And if money is tight, you'll be amazed how far you can stretch a single chicken breast by cutting small.  Likewise legs are cheaper and are great in a curry.  if you've ever stood in an actual battery chicken shed as i have, its not an experience you ever forget, but thats for another post.  Anyway i defy even the most ardent meat eater not to enjoy quorn chicken chunks in this recipe.  Its delicious.  Paneer also works well.  Enjoy!

Gratitude v's "be grateful"

Just a short post this morning on something i've been thinking about alot.  I am a big advocate for being grateful but at the same time i was always told growing up "be grateful for what you've got"  These two things appear to say the same thing but infact say very different things.

  When you say the phrase "Be grateful for what you've got" what you're really saying is stop wanting more, be happy with your lot and get on with it.  Get your head out of the clouds and quit dreaming.  Now as a child, i was a real dreamer.  I would stare at the clouds and make out exotic city scapes i was sure i would visit one day, i would draw unicorns and magical places, I was confident i would travel the world and have adventures.  Then as my teens came upon me i heard phrases such as "Be grateful for what you've got", "Grow up", "live in the real world", "you're living in a dream world" (Said with scorn). I think all of these things really affected me, they stopped me pursuing my dreams, stopped me wanting more.  I certainly for a while tried my hardest to be grateful for what i've got.  But as i've grown older, i realise that to be grateful is a wonderful thing, but never, ever settle for less, always strive for more, to make your life better.  In the words of Hal Elrod, i want a 'level ten life'.  I will never tell my children to accept their lot.  I will tell them to always be grateful for what they have but also strive for more. They deserve the best their life can give them and they should always work towards that.  Little steps every day.

  As i said before i am a great advocate for gratitude, so i wanted to say a final note on my daily gratitude rituals.  I keep a journal, every day i write in it 10 things i am grateful for today.  This helps me so much to appreciate the good things in my life, especially on the difficult rubbishy days.  Its like a tonic on those days.  I honestly believe what you think you attract and if i start my day thinking "I've got loads to do", "Nothing ever gets done", "I have no money", "I'm crap at everything", those thoughts will be with me all day long dragging me down.  Maybe this week is tight and i have very little spare cash.  Dwelling on it is not going to change that fact and will only make me feel worse.  Instead i choose to think of something else entirely like how nice the weather is, how great my health is, how i'm losing weight and slowly become a happy, healthier me.  So i do my gratitude journal every day at the start of the day.  Then every evening i use my gratitude stone.  Its a little heart shaped rock that i got from a national trust gift shop.  It has the word 'believe' on it.  Just a tourist gift really.  But i hold it each night before bed and think of one great thing i did today.  I need the physical stone there to remind me to do it but its not really important.  the important thing is to find something awesome that happened that day and say thanks for it.

Being grateful is so so important, but always strive for more!

Scared of the Jersey? Crochet instead!

Ok so if i'm gonna make all my clothes this year i really need to get a handle on jersey, that easy to wear t shirt material.  But i'm scared!  I have no overlocker and no idea how to sew it on a regular machine.  I bought an overlocking foot off ebay that i discovered i didn't need, and then had to order special needles.  They came so quickly i was almost disappointed since i was trying to avoid sewing the thing!  What am i sewing? Well i purchased some beautiful gold and grey jersey and the plan is to make a super drapey kimono with it.

 

Its absolutely gorgeous but i came un stuck  from the get go.  Who knew cutting jersey with fabric scissors was so hard?  Anyway i have a semblance of a kimono cut out.  I have the needles, and the correct foot.  So what to do now?  Ignore it all and crochet!

Spring cleaning time

It's that time again.  January rolls around, and i promise myself i will do better in a million different ways.  There is one area in particular though, that causes me stress and angst the whole year through.  That is keeping house.  I am a brilliant mother in many ways, i home educate my kids and give alot of my time to them, i have seemingly endless patience (except when i don't), i can cook pretty good, but keep a tidy house?  Its like i was born with something missing or lacking.  I collect stuff.  I have so much stuff.  My partner is a collector too.  He inherited a ton of 'stuff' when his parents sadly passed away.  On top of that, i cannot seem to fathom how to tidy it all, keep it tidy and keep a clean home.  I find myself making excuses to visitors and warning them before they arrive that we are not tidy.  I find myself wanting to go out all the time because i can't relax at home surrounded by 'stuff'.  I can't do this anymore.  It needs to end.  This year will be the year i learn how to tidy.  

So i bought myself "The Life Changing Magic of Tidying" by Marie Kondo (Konmari).  There's been alot of buzz around this book and people are saying its changed their lives.  Ok let me be honest, i bought the book last summer but promptly lost it under a pile of 'Stuff'. Oh the irony.  So i dug out my copy a few days ago and began to read.  I put it down again several times though, because frankly i'm scared!  I am actually scared that if i read this book i will have to start actually doing this whole tidying thing.  I am scared to chuck stuff out, i am scared of being organised and being in control.  I think this is because of my mother.

My mother is a brilliant house keeper to the point of obsession.  Our house was so clean you could eat off the floor, and that was with several pets around.  Growing up, i would often experience her tidying up around me.  If i left the butter knife and turned my back, it was gone!  I grew to resent the cleaning.  I have very few memories of actually playing with mum because she was always tidying.  Always.  I spent alot of time in my bedroom reading alone.  I loved it but i also resented the tidying.  I'm sure if she reads this, she'll beg to differ.  I'm confident she did do stuff with us but all i remember is the tidying, washing, house cleaning, and decorating.  I think now that part of my aversion to keeping house stems from this.  I don't want anything to do with house keeping.  I hate it.  So what now?

With that in mind i am plowing through the book.  Actually forcing myself to read.  I want control of my house back and i'm ready to do just about anything to get it.  I am determined.  Maybe i wasn't ready to examine my root issues with tidying last summer but now is the time.  I am geared up and ready to go.  Her philosophy is to take every item in your house of a certain catagory and pile it all in one place starting with clothes.  So every item of clothing in your entire house goes on the living room floor.  There are reasons for doing it this way which are explained in the book, but the core idea is you only keep the items that spark joy.  So you take each item individually and ask yourself if it sparks joy in you.  If not its got to go.  You move on to different catagories around your house right down to books, toys and furniture.  Konmari promises that by the end of it, you will only need to tidy twice a year!  Twice a year!!!!!  

As i said before i am a collector.  Myself and my partner both have quite alot of sentimental items, and i mean alot.  These will be the most difficult to apply the method to.  I think i will find books particularly challenging.  We have a small library worth of books and that is no exaggeration.  I have tried to cull the books before and usually manage one or two. But i'm going to be brave.  Using the Konmari method i will not think about what i want to get rid of but rather what really makes me happy, and if they don't make the cut, they don't stay.  

Already i'm also starting to think about applying the Konmari method to others areas in my life as well.  What am i doing and where am i in my life right now that sparks joy?  The house i live in was bought as the most functional place we could afford at the time for our needs.  But does it spark joy?  Does my hobbies and free time activities spark joy? Does my life as i live it right now spark joy in me?  These are big questions that i can't answer fully just yet but i think aiming to spark joy inside yourself in everything you do is possibly the best and most fulfilling way to live.  Why would anyone settle for anything less?

Homemade Pizza time.....

I'm really keen to start using up all my food and not to waste any.  If i think of how much i was throwing away, it probably comes to hundreds of pounds a year.  So from now on i will be looking at clever ways to use food up. Tonight was my first attempt.
 We love pizza.  Well me and the kids do.  Mr A not so much because he cannot bear (bare?) cheese.  This can be problematic as i make almost exclusively vegetarian food (I don't like meat).  I figured  he really needs to get with the joys of pizza and decided to make my own dough.  I do like to decide these things on the spur of the moment!
 I used:  1 L of warm water
              4 tbs of granulated sugar (I never have caster in when i need it)
              25g of dry active yeast
              a really good grinding of salt
              nearly 3 1/2 lb of plain flour
              4 oz butter (melted)

I mixed the yeast and sugar with some of the warm water to dilute it and left it to froth up.
I added the reast of the water to 3lb of the flour, salt and butter and mixed like mad.
Then i added in the yeast mixture.  It was super runny and gloopy so i added more flour till it was a soft dough.  I actually ran out of plain flour and ended up using a little self raising! Doughy pizza crust is fine by me.

Next i kneaded till my arms dropped off.  Roughly about ten minutes or so.  By this time it had grown loads (like a big dough monster) so i popped it back in the bowl to rise and left it alone.  I have a little trick to rising dough.  I have one of those wheat bags and it happens to be a long sausage shape.  I get it super hot in the microwave then wrap it round the outside of the bowl.  Keeps the dough nice and warm.  

Apparently the way to tell if your Dough is ready is to press a finger in.  If the indent remains, it's ready. This dough makes enough for 4 pizzas so i cut off what i needed and portioned and froze the rest.

I needed a tomato paste for the base.  I really wanted to use up a slimy old leek i found.  It was pretty grim looking but i peeled off the outer layers and it happened to be perfect inside.  I chopped it up really small, and did the same with a couple of garlic cloves.  Popped them in the wok with water and a can of chopped tomatoes.  I really like Aldi's chopped toms with herbs.  It was really watery so i boiled it up and reduced it to a yummy paste (keep stirring so it doesn't burn).  When it was cool-ish, i blasted it in the blender in to a paste. 

Time to construct the pizza.  Not only does Mr A hate cheese but he wouldn't be able to eat any food 'contaminated' with or touching cheese.  So i had an idea to create a dough barrier down the middle of the pizza.

I then added each persons favourite toppings.  In my case, some mushrooms that needed using, red peppers and cheese, in his case, peppers, a dried chilli chopped really fine and some corned beef.  What i loved was that i could manage the amount i added.  I made the pizza healthier on my side by adding a few cheese slices rather than a whole pile of grated cheese.  Fewer calories but the same cheesy taste. 

The result was delicious!  Oh my word homemade dough tastes amazing! I normally can't stand the crusts on a shop bought pizza but this crust was so delish i ate it dipped in left over tomato sauce.  Divine!  I now have slightly sore wrists but the hard work is done.  For future pizzas I'll just grab some dough ready made from the freezer.

First sewing project of the year!

 I really wanted to take small steps to reduce my impact on the earth in achievable ways.  So this year i have pledged to make as much of my clothes as i can.  I want to challenge myself and see what i can achieve.  I should say i am a very novice seamstress.  I went on two one day courses years back to make a simple skirt and a simple dress and thats it!  After that i used youtube and books for help.  I have always knitted and mastered crochet too, but never sewing. 
  Why do i want to buy less clothes?  Firstly i want to be less of a consumer.  I'm looking for a more wholesome life full of experience.  I can save the money i waste on clothes and use it in more meaningful ways, like travel, books, art equipment, really enriching stuff that feeds my soul.  I don't want to support cheap clothing producers that pollute the planet and pay their workers next to nothing for what is virtually modern day slavery.  I want no part in people having to leave their babies in the care of others while they live in shoe boxes in the cities and work 18 hours a day for a meagre wage to send home. 
  From and environmental point of view, the figures from www.wrap.org.uk tell us that extending the lives of clothes by just 3 months leads to a 5-10% reduction in the carbon, water and waste footprints, and more than that, 350,000 tons of clothing goes to landfill in the uk every year! 
  So this year i will mend first, make second and thirdly buy from ethical sources if i can.
Here is my first offering of the year (my photo skills leave much to be desired):

A little A line skirt.  I am actually more proud of this than i should be as its pretty crappy sewn but it was supposed to be a smock top from a beautiful japanese sewing book i own.  Thing is, the patterns don't come with seam allowance. I  forgot that bit of information of course.so the size 14 i cut out, when basted together was a small size 12! eek!  No way were my boobs fitting in there.  I either had to chop it to make a skirt or chuck it all together.  So chop it i did.  Of course i then had no pattern to follow.  So the reason i'm so proud of the skirt is that i managed, through the power of google, to work out how to add a waist band and how to add a button band:

This skirt will never win any competitions except maybe the wonky stitching award, but it fits and that, in my book, is a great start!

Why am i writing a blog? This is the 4th blog i've started and the first one i intend to actually write! I have no clue yet how to add pictures, make it look nice or do anything other than type, but that much i can do.  I have experienced a real shift and an urge to journal and record my thoughts. 
  So a bit about me.  I am a mother to two lovely children whom i home educate and devote most of my time to.  I live in Yorkshire which is, in my biased opinion, a truly beautiful corner of the planet.  I had a hard few years where i lost myself and my identity then through a series of synchronicities i met some wonderful people and had some wonderful experiences in 2015 which led me to find myself and who i want to be.  I remembered that the dreams i had before motherhood, are still my dreams and i can still reach for them.  You're never too old! So i guess this is the start of my journey in 2016, and what will it bring?
   Well things certainly change, but i hope to re train for my Reiki level 2 with the lovely Jo at Moonlodge  in Leeds.  I am also meeting with Jo and a bunch of lovely women 8 times this year as part of the way of the wild witch course which has so far been amazing! 
  I want to construct some sort of a therapy space in my garden to do treatments and womens circles in as well as aiming for a more outdoor life for us too!  I'm dreaming of owning that yurt, so we can camp out and fall asleep watching the bats fly in the starry sky.
  I am also pledging to tread a little lighter on the earth this year.  I want to make more of my clothes, recycle more, walk and take the bus more.  Little steps and i already started!  I made my first ever A line skirt!
  Most of all, now my birthing days are over and my youngest is now 5, i feel its time to reconnect with the wild woman inside me, find my spirit, become that mysterious, dynamic, exciting, courageous woman that i used to be, once again.